Finding Lebanon
by AntipodesAnnie
Summary: A journey to see who Sam and Dean Winchester really are.
1. Chapter 1

Considering they call it a city, the town is pretty small, 218 people at last count living in about as small town America as you can get. You could drive straight past it if you wanted, you could just watch the 281 signs burn by as you go further north until you drive through every state to Canada. Or you can wait for it to become ever so briefly Elm Street, take a left onto Kansas Road and head straight into the middle of Lebanon, Kansas.

Lebanon is what you think of when you think small town, only much much smaller. It has its Main Street, no small town worth its salt doesn't, but there's not a lot on it; the post office and bank, the market and community centre, the city hall and the church. Old boarded up buildings telling stories of a lifetime ago, and new buildings looking ever so slightly out of place, like a tuxedo on teenager. Gaps where buildings used to be, and no doubt every boarded up window and every overgrown lot has its own story of life and loss in small town America. But that's not the story she came to hear. She came to hear about the Winchester Boys.

Sam and Dean Winchester. Legends. Legends in her circle, legends in many others. Sometimes they were the heroes, sometimes they were the villains, but always talked about like they would hear anything you said. There were stories of epic battles, of monsters and gods, of death and resurrection and every time the names of Sam and Dean Winchester would be heard. No one knew how many of the stories were true, how these two mean could live their hard brutal lives and still be standing, but standing they were. And she was here to find out if Sam and Dean Winchester, gods among men, defenders of the faithful and the faithless where actually real.

She'd read the books, and followed the trail. She knew about Palo Alto and she spoke to people there. Sam Winchester, they'd said, yeah we remember Sam. Quiet kid, but really smart, was definitely going places he was. Well until, _well you know_. She'd stop writing, put her pen down and look at them, like she hadn't heard the story ten times before, _tell me_ , she'd whisper, tell me what you remember. They'd look around, like Sam was there behind them, listening, waiting, like they were afraid. Which they were. He disappeared, they'd say, just vanished. His weirdo brother arrives, then Jess dies like that, my god it was horrible, and then _poof_ , they're both gone. Then the next thing they're both on the news killing people. _It's always the quiet ones, you know?_

But she knows better than most that Sam and Dean Winchester aren't quiet, they're just well hidden. Hidden enough that she has spent thousands of hours and driven thousands of miles, just to find out that they are now living less than four hours from where they were born, where the whole thing began. Where the books ended, she just kept following the signs. The signs that she knew the Winchester boys would have used to get to a place were the same signs she used to follow them back. Some were dead ends, others had potential but felt like she was a dollar short and a day late. A visit to Hibbing to talk to Kathleen Hudak was a dead end, she left the Sheriff's department not long after all the bodies were found out on the old Bender farm, including her brother's. No one mentioned Sam and Dean, like they never even existed. Not quiet, just hidden. It's a shame you weren't here last week, they said. We had a convention here and Donna, one of our girls was here. She's the Sheriff over in Stillwater now, but she started here. She said she joined because of Kathleen. She might have been able to tell you something about these Sam and Dean guys. She looks over the list of attendees, another name catches her eye. Sioux Falls. What are the chances that the Sheriff from the same town as Bobby Singer, and the Sheriff from the same town as Kathleen Hudak don't know Sam and Dean Winchester. Sometimes life throws you leads disguised as curveballs, and Hibbing was certainly that.

But the hidden ones stay hidden for a reason. They make friends, they make connections, they save lives. People do things for them that mean if they were ever discovered everything would be at risk. Sam and Dean Winchester, by simply being the forces of nature they are, create a trail of voluntary indebitude that invariably saves their lives without them even knowing. They think they move through life invisible without even noticing the wake of gratitude that ripples ever further outwards. They think they clean up when they leave, but don't realise that trace elements of Winchester left on the souls of the people they touch will always be the thing that protects them. And those traces are strong and loyal, and sometimes scary. And all of that together meant that Donna Hanscum and Jody Mills, who absolutely, unquestionably knew Sam and Dean, and were without doubt in contact with them, probably even regularly, had no idea who she was talking about. Not a clue, never heard of them. Sorry can't help you. At all. Maybe you should go. _Now_.

Loyalty is a powerful motivator. But resentment is just as strong. For every eight absolute blanks, she got a just as resolute _those dicks, yeah I know them._ But they were ultimately just as unhelpful. The loyal ones wouldn't tell her out of love, the pissed off ones wouldn't tell out of fear. They'd seen what happens to people who betray the Winchester boys, retribution may not come quickly, and it may not even come from them, but come it does, and when it does, it's brutal and messy, and if you're lucky, fatal. Gratitude wasn't the only wake they left behind.

So for years now she has tried to find them, she's searched papers and registers, conspiracy theory chat rooms and paranormal websites, she's barked up every tree and gone down every rabbit hole, and she knows there was just nothing left to do but go back to where it all started. So she goes back to Lawrence. She goes back to Stull Cemetery. She sits there for hours thinking about the stories that cemetery held, not just Sam and Dean's but everybodies. The legends that are generally thought to apocryphal but anyone who knows the world the Winchesters inhabit know better. She simply doesn't know what the next step to take would be, maybe it was time to rethink. Maybe she just needs to focus, to take a long drive and have a long think. A pilgrimage is what I need, she is already packed and she has nowhere she needs to be. She already knows where she is going. Where better to get centred, than the centre itself.

So she drives, and she drives. She drives through cities and she drives through small towns, she drives past along highways and she drives down back roads. She drives past 181 signs over and over and then they become 281 signs. And she drives. She's looking at the boarded up buildings that tell the million stories of the broken hearts of small town America, she looking at the road signs, she sees the sign that changes the 281 to Elm Street. She sees the Midway Co-Op on the corner of Elm and Grove. Small towns and their trees she thinks to herself. She sees the 1967 Chevrolet Impala at the pumps. She slows down to see the price of gas and reminds herself to stop on the way back to fuel up. She thinks it's just up here, look for 191. And then like some mental Rube Goldberg, balls start falling and wheels start turning. Levers crank and pullies pull. Handles are turning but not fast enough and she knows she's missing something, like the song in your head you can't finish or the smell you can't place. What am I missing? What am I missing? _What am I missing?_ And then everything clicks in time, the final ball falls and suddenly with no effort at all, the 1967 Chevrolet Impala is there. And so is Dean Winchester. And after all this time, after all these miles she finds him, not because he was lost, but because she was.


	2. Chapter 2

Luck would be a fine thing, as they say. And on this day luck was everything she needs it to be, and some of what she doesn't. Luck has handed her Dean Winchester and his very, VERY distinctive car, but it has handed him to her in a place where every odd move, every uturn of a vehicle will be noticed and kept for future reference. She has been presented with buffet of riches only to find she can't take a single bite. So like she has learned to do, like she has always done, she waits. She stops further up the road, a lost tourist looking for the 191 sign. And she waits. She thinks, three minutes to fill up, two to pay. Extra time to wash the windshield, 10 minutes all told. _I can wait for 10 minutes_. She gets out of the car and lays the map on the hood, a lost tourist. She checks her watch, 5 minutes. No, not yet, too risky. _By the time I get in the car it's 10._ She packs up, sits in the driver's seat, and checks her watch. 8 minutes. _Close enough_. Let's get this show on the road.

She pulls into the forecourt to see the Impala just pulling out. Close enough is just too close, she chides herself. She gets out of the car and meets Davey, according to his name badge, at the pump.

"You missed it", he laughs. She obviously looks confused because he continues. "I saw you drive past not less than 10 minutes ago, figured you were looking for the sign"

"Oh", penny dropping now, "Yeah, I was looking for the turnoff, thought there'd be a massive Welcome To The Centre sign", she's laughing now too. Just keep laughing. No, not that much. It's not that funny.

"I hear that all the time. Just carry on driving up about 4 minutes, look for the 191. You can't miss it"

"Obviously I can"

They're both laughing now. That's good. People are more relaxed when they're happy.

"Hey ... Davey" glancing at his name badge, although she's already seen it and already figured his every last button, "I was going to fill up on the way back, but while I'm here I may as well do it. Could you check my oil while I'm here?"

"Sure thing, it's what I'm paid for"

And so the chatting continues.

How long have you been travelling? _Feels like forever._

How long have you lived in Lebanon? _Feels like forever._ Smiles

It must be nice living in a small town, where you know everyone. _And everyone knows you._

Yeah that must kind of suck. _It's not so bad, at least people help you in a small town_

And click, like a tumbler finding its pin, she is in.

"Like how?"

"Oh I don't know, just stuff really. Like that guy that was just here in the black car"

"The Impala?"

"Yeah, the Impala", girl knows her cars Davey thinks to himself.

"Well him and his brother Sam moved here a few years back, got the old power plant down on Locust Street and moved in. Really Chip and Joanna'd the place" Davey cringes at his own joke, but sees her grinning too. He carries on. "They hadn't been here more than three months when Old Sarah Collier got an infestation in her basement. Raccoons it was, moving stuff everywhere, breaking stuff. Anyways Sam and Dean just arrive out of nowhere ..."

"Sam and Dean?"

"Yeah Sam and Dean Wesson, _like the_ _gun_ they always say, they just show up, give Miss Sarah a hundred bucks and tell her to leave town for the weekend while they sort her raccoon problem. And sure enough, those raccoons were gone by the time she got back. They even fixed all the damage that was done and repainted the place. Stellar guys, they are. They're good people. Anyhoo, that'll be $44.30"

She hands him a crisp $50 "keep the change Davey, you've been a huge help." Huge. "Can you tell me where I can get something to eat, maybe grab a drink?"

"Eating's no problem, Ladows on Main do a great meatloaf, and you can grab a fridge magnet and a postcard to remind yourself of your amazing time in sunny Lebanon" oops, too far Davey, you're not that funny. He looks at her, _oh maybe I am that funny._

"The drink though, nothing here in Lebanon, but if you turn left at the bend in Main, that'll take you to The Wheat Fields"

"Like actual wheat fields?"

"No", bless her, she really is cute "The Wheat Fields, it's a bar. Amongst other things. Great food, great company"

"Well then, Davey. Thanks for the tip. Might even see you there ..."

And Davey watches her fold herself into her car and drive off. He always was a sucker for long legs. _Yes you just might._


	3. Chapter 3

Davey was right, the meatloaf is good. Sometimes she forgets what it was like to have a home cooked meal, with all the "fixin's" as her Grandma used to say; she has eaten out of paper bags and drunk coffee out of paper cups for so long now, a real meal feels like a luxury. She'd left the gas station with the intention of coming straight here, she had business to attend to, but the voice in her head kept telling her they're not going anywhere, take your breath, _find your centre._ So she carried on up the road, up to the sign that Davey said was there, and turned down the 191 and found her centre.

She isn't a religious person, she knows too much about God to believe in him now, but she is always intrigued by places of worship. She sat in the picnic area first, and watched ... nothing. She watched the vast expanse of nothing that spread out before her, listened to the nothing as it rustled the long grass, she let the nothing fall over her like a warm blanket, heavy and comforting. She had searched for something for so long, there was a certain freedom to finding nothing. She wandered over to the chapel, so tiny, smaller than even the motel rooms she had spent what seemed like an eternity in, but she didn't go in. There seemed no point, Heaven had stopped listening years ago, she'd learned the hard way. But here she was, she'd traveled to find her centre, and found everything else. She didn't need Heaven's help, she could do this on her own. _Can you?_ _Did you?_ She pushed her traitorous thoughts away, got into her car and went to find her meatloaf.

Small towns are mixed blessings, she knows this. A strange car in town and everyone is interested, small towns need a back story, a reason. Lebanon is a little different, a road trip is always a good story to pass through with, but not a good enough story to stay. She knows this too and she thinks about Davey and the $50. He was far more helpful than he'd ever realise. She sits and eats her meatloaf. No, _savours_ her meatloaf, and her potatoes and her green beans. All of it reminding her of a home long gone, of family since forgotten by everyone but her. She is approached by Judy, who was so lovely to her when she served her, who asks "is everything okay, sweetheart?"

"It's fantastic Judy, it's just like my Grandma's" She genuinely means it. Judy tops up her coffee and laughs "Oh, thank you darling, but no ones meatloaf is ever as good as your own Grandma's. I'm glad you're enjoying it though". "I am, I'm enjoying Lebanon in general". This generates a sound from Judy that can only be described as a guffaw, "Sweetheart, you need to get out more". If only she knew. "What brings you to our fine metropolis anyway?" She offers a quick mental thanks to Davey "I'm actually doing some family tree stuff, my family name is Collier and I heard there used to be some here". "Oh yes, there used to be a lot of Colliers here, most used to work at the old power plant" The power plant again, it seems to be a common thread. _Can you? Did you?_

"The power plant? Davey from the gas station told me someone lives in there now" _shall we dance?_

 _"_ Yes, two brothers live there now, and another gentleman pops in every now and then. They travel a lot but they've cleaned up the area around the plant beautifully. It used to be grown over with graffiti everywhere, weird symbols and the such, all of that is gone now and it looks really good. All three of them are very sweet, but Dean's friend can be, let's say _awkward._ Sam and Dean are both really lovely boys, they come here for the meatloaf too" Judy winks at her, "I imagine three men sometimes miss a woman's touch in the kitchen, but from what Dean buys I figure he's no amateur himself. In fact most of those pie fillings on the shelf, we get in for him"

"They must have made a real impression on the town, Davey said they haven't been here that long"

"Well they certainly made an impression on Davey, he's always been a sucker for long legs", and there's that wink again. "But in all seriousness, one of the best things that's happened to this town was those two boys moving in. They brought income into the town with the amount they spend here and at the gas station. They have guests come to stay so they're always popping in to stock up, they have a garage full of cars that need refueling. Dean spends a bit of time out at The Wheat but we don't talk about that because we're supposed to pretend it doesn't exist. Someone even said they think Dean owns it, but I don't know how true that is" Judy is a talker, and god bless her for it. "I mean we don't actually know what they do, and like I said they travel _a lot_ but I don't think he owns The Wheat, only because Donnie who works there says he always pays. But I have a friend over in Smith Centre who runs a drycleaners and he says that Sam brings in suits all the time. And not Kohl's suits either, like proper tailor made Hugo Boss suits. There is some serious money hiding behind all that flannel. Everybody jokes that they're paid assassins" oh Judy, so close, _so very very close._

"Wow, that's a lot to bring into a little town like Lebanon"

Judy blushes "No, no don't misunderstand me, it's not just the money. They are genuinely good people, they've helped so many people in this town. Once Cathy Howard's boy Simon got sick, got a really bad fever and started having fits. The Wesson's just happened to have a doctor at the plant so they just took him back there. Cathy didn't even have to take him to the hospital or anything, they kept him there until he got better and they didn't even ask her to pay them. They just said it's part of being them. They are so generous and kind. Humanitarians, you know? Well now here's a coincidence for you, Sam and Dean helped out Sarah Collier with her raccoon problem, she could be one of your people." _Coincidence? Can you? Did you? "_ I'm telling you, those Wesson boys are a gift, they're kind and helpful, and if I'm honest, not hard to look at" Ah Judy,she thinks, they get us all eventually "Sam is smart as a whip and Dean, well Dean is a bit rough around the edges, but he'd sell his soul for you if he had to"


	4. Chapter 4

_"He would sell his soul for you if he had to"._ Main Street is not a long street, but it's long enough to make her remember her scripture. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. The Winchester boys had done all of this, and more and she doesn't know if it's love, or redemption that makes them do it, but she's been following them for a long time now and they never stop. They didn't stop when they met her, and they didn't stop after they left. It's been a long time since she saw Dean, but seeing him and his car at the gas station bought it all back. Most of it she didn't want to remember, she imagines most people who have interactions with Sam and Dean Winchester have the same mixed feelings, but she needs to know. She wants answers. So she drives to the bend in Main, just like Davey said.

The bend takes her to 150 Road. Such an odd name she thinks, I wonder how these roads got their names. She pulls over and checks her phone just to make sure she's heading to the right place, and of course The Wheat Fields isn't on there. But there something on there, something that catches her eye. 150 Road has an actual field on it. A large field, and straight through the centre of the field is a track. It's not a road, it's not even a path, it's just a track showing up on a satellite picture of Lebanon, Kansas. And that track goes from half way down 150 Road all the way up to Locust Street, a 10 minute walk at the most. Right to the old Smith County power plant. Bless Davey and his thing for long legs.

She drives down the dusty road, not even sure what she's looking for, she just knows to look out for "amongst other things" a bar. What could a shady bar, that isn't suppose to exist, on the out-outskirts of a worn-out town possibly look like. As it happens, it looks like every other bar in every other back water she's ever been to. The Wheat Fields is bright, loud and full of people who don't belong. She looks around and she can tell that half of the people in here are just like her, here on a mission of their own, she had to wonder if those "other things" had something to do with it. There is only one barman on, and he's wiping glasses that don't need wiping, a saloon owner from the old west. She sits down in front of him and lets out a long sigh, hoping he'll respond. "Tough day?" _Like clockwork_ "Tough life" _weary smile, the barstool waltz._ "What'll it be?" _and step and step._ "Whatever you have that's brown and burns" _and turn._ She downs the bourbon he gives her in one and holds the tumbler up, she's tired and she doesn't want to play this game anymore. She's so very close. She's literally an eight minute walk from where they live and she's here alone in a shady bar drinking cheap bourbon with no clue what to do. All this time chasing them and she never gave a second thought what she'd do if she ever caught them. He hands her another drink _Are you Donnie?_

 _"_ Depends, who's asking?"

Laughing, because that's all she seems to do in this town "Oh Judy from the market said the barman here was Donnie"

"So you met our local Chatty Cathy then, what town secrets did she spill over her green beans?"

"All of them" _keep it funny, keep it honest_ "Like it's actually a paid assassin who owns this bar"

Donnie shakes his head slowly, wiping a new glass "Ah yes, the enigma that is Dean Wesson, and his equally mysterious brother Sam. Are they spies, are they assassins, are they independently wealthy male escorts to the stars. This town needs to learn to mind its business"

Donnie seems a little pissed off given he's just a dude at a bar "Wow, they really have made an impact haven't they? Judy said they'd really helped the town but she didn't say people gossiped about them so much"

"Look" Donnie puts the glass down and wipes his hands on the towel, "Two good looking guys show up out of nowhere and move into an abandoned power plant? That's gonna get tongues wagging. Especially since no one knew they were brothers when they arrived. Then Dean's friend Cas blows in and out of town like he's got wings or something and it's all very odd. We're a small town, stuff like this is news"

"And what do you think about the origins of the baffling Brothers Wesson?"

"Me? I don't think a damn thing. Dean comes in here, and he orders his food and drinks his beer. He fights, he fu... ahem, he pays and then he leaves. He's no different from any other person who finds themselves in a backwater looking to blow off steam".

"And Sam?"

"Sam's different, he takes his drink over to a booth, gets that laptop of his out and just sits there. I pulled him up once because I thought it was porn. This may not be the Ritz but I draw the line at that, but it wasn't. It was just some National Geographic thing. He's a good kid, he's helped me out a few times with sorting people out. He likes to keep his backyard tidy. His brother will just kick the shi ... shadows out of you and make you clean up after yourself. Chalk and cheese, those Wesson boys, chalk and cheese"

"You sound like you like them"

"What's not to like? They keep themselves to themselves unless you need help, then they're the first ones there. They bleed for total strangers then turn around and ask if you're okay. They're good for a laugh, and when Cas is here, they're hellishly entertaining. This little bar is never boring as long as there is a Wesson here. And they leave great tips"

"They sound like good guys, maybe I'll be lucky enough to run into them while I'm here"

"Oh sweetheart, you don't need that kind of luck. I don't know them well, but I know them well enough. I see you sitting here talking like you haven't spoken to everyone in town already. You already know where they are, you've already pictured them in your head a hundred times. And I can tell you right now, that whatever that picture is, it ain't them. I've seen these boys take care of business. They aren't investment bankers, whatever Judy's drycleaner friend tells you. If you're "running into" Sam and Dean Wesson, you better hope it's in the right direction, because as great as they are, and as helpful as they are, trouble follows those boys around like it's a family curse. You wanna roll your dice and play night moves with the Wesson Boys, you go right ahead, but don't say I didn't warn you."

"I think she'll be fine" a voice rumbles from the back of the bar. Heads swivel around to see Sam and Dean Winchester standing at the door. She gets up, unsteady on her feet. It's been a long, long time and she never thought it would finally happen, but here they are, alive. Like her. She didn't think either was possible.

"Damn, Dean. I didn't mean ..."

"It's all good Donnie, her and us, we're old friends. We heard someone was in town looking for us so we thought we'd drop by"

She was all of a sudden very unsure of herself, it had been such a long time ago, but it was too late now.

"Hi Sam. Hi Dean" and then nothing. She waits and waits. Years pass, mountains crumble. And then worlds collide, collapsing in on themselves, the sound deafening to her ears.

"Hiya Layla, it's been a long time".


End file.
